Cannonball Run 2009
by BKelly95
Summary: One year after J.J. McClure accidentally disrupted a criminal investigation, a plan is hatched to bring the perpetrator to justice. Somehow, this plan involves the 2009 Cannonball Run. Will it work?
1. Chapter 1

Cannonball Run 2009

Chapter 1: The Return

Welcome to the latest running of the Cannonball Run. Good news for those who prefer the American coast-to-coast race as this will return to that format. More good news for those who are looking for the resolution to Cannonball Run 2008's cliffhanger ending as I am planning to do that as well.  
There will be a couple of somewhat controversial subplots ahead. My only reasoning was to experiment with a few new directions to avoid complacency.  
I plan to feature every Cannonball Run 2000 character I possibly can as this will be the last fic to take place in the 00's. As such, here's the list of featured characters and the actors they're based on:

J.J. McClure-Jerry O'Connell  
Victor Prinsi/Captain Chaos-Horatio Sanz  
Pamela McClure-Tara Reid  
Dexter Cole-Adam Brody  
Kurt Cole-Michael Cera  
Jill Rivers-Tinsley Grimes  
Marcie Thatcher-Jordana Spiro  
Ron Lucas-Brian Baker  
Venom-Matt Schulze  
Terry Fletcher-Andrew Heckler  
Mel Sharp-Anthony Clark  
Danny Mitchell-Martin Henderson  
P.C. Baker-Jason Gray-Stanford  
Rob Falcon-Vince Vieluf  
Big Bison-Kenan Thompson  
Patrick Bannon-Jamie Kennedy  
Tony Basilotta-Seann William Scott  
Caesar King-Sharif Atkins  
Salvatore Moretti-Roberto Benigni  
Guiseppe Venicci-Tony Shalhoub  
Mad Dog-Ice-T

And due to the sheer list of cameos, I've decided to list them by the chapter in which they first appear:  
Batman-Beck Hansen  
Nina Jankowski-Mercedes McNab  
Billy DuBois-Mark Kazpryzk  
Dolores Ryan-Emma Stone  
Jacob Cheng-Eddie Shin  
Charlie Holt-Zachary Ty Bryan  
Max Cole-Lee Majors  
Melanie Burke-Melanie Lynskey  
Brutus-Kevin Alejandro  
Vinnie Basilotta-Vyto Ruginis  
Josephine Basilotta-Catherine O'Hara  
Sandy Longmore-Anna Friel  
Seymour "The Drake" Drake-Cole Hauser  
Brad Compton-Will Forte  
Susan Cope-Stephanie March  
Chuck Prescott-Will Arnett  
Betty Prescott-Amy Poehler  
Professor George Weathers-John O'Hurley  
Gina-Jennifer Esposito

And here we go:

Brooklyn, 2002...

Five people walked into a bar. There were three men and two women in the group. They took a seat at the closest table.

"Alright." said one man with black hair and an athletic build, J.J. McClure. "Let's hear it for our new mail room chief."

"Please." said a tall, thin man with black hair, Chuck Prescott. "Not the chief. I'm just a clerk."

"I have a feeling he'll be company president before long." said a short, blonde woman, Chuck's wife Betty.

"Yeah right." said a woman with brown hair, J.J's girlfriend Gina. "I don't think that's gonna happen unless he buys the company out."

"Start playing that lottery." said a somewhat overweight man with black hair, Victor Prinsi.

At a nearby table, a tall man with brown hair was looking at a picture of a white '69 Mustang. His name was Terry Fletcher.

"You came all this way to pick up a car?" asked his companion as he played with a small, felt-lined box. He had black, curly hair and was named Mel Sharp.

"You came all this way to pick up a ring." said Terry. "By the way, can I take a look at that? I'd like to see what Linda's getting."

Mel handed him the box and opened it.

"Nice." said Terry. "She'll love it."

A man with grey hair sat at the next table. He was looking over a roadmap of the United States. A waitress walked over. "Can I get you something?" she asked.

"Something non-alcoholic." said the man, Professor George Weathers. "I'd like to keep my head clear."

The waitress turned to return to the bar.

"Wait." said Weathers. "Leave open an option for something alcoholic. I might need it."

Just then, a man and woman walked into the bar. He had finely styled brown hair and designer clothes while she had a white blouse, blue skirt, and black, curly hair.

"I thought we were going back to Miami." said the woman, Melanie Burke, with a vaguely British/Australian accent.

"Flight doesn't leave until tomorrow." said the man, Danny Mitchell, with a similar accent. "I thought we could kill some time before we went back."

"Oh good." said Melanie. "Finally get to see my new place of business. I'm moving up, baby."

"That's the spirit." said Danny as they sat at a table.

At the bar were a black man with short hair and a moustache and a skinny guy with messy blonde hair.

"So, what can I get you two?" asked the bartender.

"I'll have a beer." said the black man, known simply as "Mad Dog". "I just got back from Seattle where they were shooting some racing film."

"Oh, really?" asked the bartender. "What's it called?"

"It's called 'Pedal To The Metal'." said the blonde guy, known as "Batman". "It's a street racing film involving auto theft."

"So, what did you do on it?" asked the bartender.

"Mostly customizing the cars." said Mad Dog. "I had some great designs that we got to implement."

"Who's in it?" asked the bartender.

"Xzibit and Matthew Lillard." said Mad Dog. "Can't reveal too much more."

Two men wearing business suits walked in. One had short, curly hair while the other had straight, brown hair. "This looks like a nice place." said the curly haired one.

"I don't think the clientele will pose much of a threat." said his friend.

"Relax, I picked this place at random." said the curly-haired man. "No one was expecting us to show up here. We're on equal footing."

"Well, I've been on the job for two hours and I'd hate to lose it due to a foolish mistake."

Just then, Terry looked over at Weathers' table. "Planning a trip?" he asked.

"Sort of." said Weathers. "I was doing some research into something and now I'm doing some more."

"Can you elaborate on 'something'?" asked Mel.

Weathers thought about his answer. "I'm not sure." he said.

Mad Dog walked over. "Now you got me curious." he said. "You're researching something with a road atlas and you can't tell us. That kind of limits the..."

"It's the Cannonball." said Weathers.

The curly-haired man looked over. "What?" he asked.

"The Cannonball Baker Sea-To-Shining-Sea Memorial Trophy Dash." said Weathers.

"What the hell is that?" asked Danny. J.J's group was looking at him as well.

"I think we should discus this in private." said Weathers.

Minutes later, the group had moved into the back room. Weathers was standing at the head of the class. "First, let me introduce myself." he said. "I am Professor George Weathers from the Massachusetts Institute of Technology."

"M.I.T?" asked J.J.

"Yes, that one." said Weathers. "I am the head of the automotive department."

"M.I.T. has an automotive department?" asked Danny.

Mad Dog stared at him for a couple of seconds. "What kind of accent is that?" he asked.

"New Zealand." said Danny.

"Oh." said Mad Dog. "Steve Millen's home country. I use his parts in most of my vehicles."

"As I was saying before we got into Kiwi territory," said Weathers "recently a student of mine, who has a lead foot, talked with me about the Cannonball Baker yada yada yada."

"Uh, Professor Weathers?" asked the curly-haired man.

"Yes, Mr..?" asked Weathers.

"Drake, Seymour Drake." said the man. "You can call me 'THE Drake.'"

"Very well, Mr. Drake." said Weathers.

"And this is my bodyguard, Ron..." said the Drake before blanking out.

"Lucas." said Ron.

"I'll get it sooner or later." said the Drake.

"In his defense, I've only been working for him for two hours." said Ron.

"He's been a professional bodyguard less time than I've been an American resident." said Melanie.

"Your question, Mr. Drake?" asked Weathers.

"The full name of the event is rather wordy." said the Drake. "Perhaps we can shorten it in future reference?"

"We can." said Weathers. "Anyway, my student asked me about the Cannonball, asking me if such an event could be run today."

"If I recall, they haven't run that since eighty-four." said J.J.

"That's true." said Weathers. "The race organizer discontinued the race out of safety concerns. However, my student said that with today's technology, the race could be run again without much of the danger. A lot has changed within the last eighteen years."

"Cars are safer as well." said Terry. "And don't get me started on the aftermarket. I've made decent use of it restoring vintage muscle."

"What do you put in your rides?" asked Mad Dog.

"Mostly Edelbrock. You?" said Terry.

"Depends on the whip." said Mad Dog.

"Every argument I made against a new Cannonball was met with an argument for it." said Weathers. "When we were done, I was rather convinced that a new Cannonball might be possible. But, as they say, the proof is in the pudding."

"What are you saying?" asked Chuck. "Are you asking us to participate in a revived Cannonball race?"

"You've all had some degree of interest in cars." said Weathers. "Mr. Fletcher has been looking at that picture of a Mustang for most of the night. I overheard Mad Dog and the bartender talking about the movie he just worked on. By the way, they're most likely trying to cash in on the success of 'The Fast and the Furious'."

"So am I." said Mad Dog.

"And Mr. McClure knew exactly was I was talking about." said Weathers. "Tell me, how did you know that interesting tidbit?"

"My father was a Cannonballer." said J.J. "Hammering the roads of America in that Trans-Am of his. He'd tell me stories of how it was. But he's gone now."

"Oh, I'm sorry to hear that." said Weathers. "I'm sure he would've liked to see how the new one would have turned out."

"Professor Weathers?" asked J.J.

"Yes?" asked Weathers.

"When do we start?" asked J.J.

"Who else is in?" asked Weathers.

Chuck and Betty raised their hands. Next was the Drake and Ron. Terry and Mel soon followed. Then Danny and Melanie. Finally, Mad Dog and Batman raised their hands.

"Then I'll see you at the starting line." said Weathers.

* * *

The Cannonball was revived that year with the folks at the bar and five other teams. Terry and Mel won the race in the Mustang Terry had just bought. Professor Weathers ran the race with two of his students, Jackie Lewis and Michael North. The race was not without consequence as J.J. and his girlfriend Gina broke up during the race.

In 2003, an environmental activist named Arthur J. Foyt discovered the race and attempted to have it shut down. His work with the local police forces succeeded in getting several drivers arrested, including Terry and Danny. However, his own assistant, Pamela Glover, was picked up by J.J. for a trick to bypass police scrutiny. They began dating after the race.

In 2004, the race officals didn't hold the race due to the unwanted attention of the previous year. On a dare from business rival Brad Compton, The Drake started a race of his own in Australia. (Ironicly, Danny was unable to attend despite the race taking place a few thousand miles west of his New Zealand birthplace.) Aside from running afoul of a local mob boss, the race was otherwise uneventful.

In 2005, Mad Dog took over organizing duties and returned the race to the United States. Despite more organized police work, the race succeeded in traversing the country. After the race, Danny went in for a transplant to replace a faulty kidney while J.J. and Pamela got engaged and later married.

Also of note, British race car driver Kenneth Livingston took part in the race with the intention of basing a European version on it.

The 2006 race was mostly uneventful other than an attempted murder for hire plot targeting Chuck Prescott. Following the resolution of that, everything went smoothly.

The 2007 race ended on a bittersweet note for J.J. McClure. Despite winning the race, McClure ended up getting picked up by the police and charged for numerous moving violations. In addition to other penalties, he also suffered a revoked license.

Cannonballer Rob Falcon left for Europe to take part in their Cannonball shortly after the race. There, he ran into new competitors including race car drivers Salvatore Moretti and Per Lindstrom and street racer Tony Basilotta.

The 2008 race ended with perennial favorite Marcie Thatcher getting married to her boyfriend of three years, Monkey Matthews. During the Hawaiian honeymoon, they ran across a team of street racers against whom they organized a race across the state. Several other Cannonballer teams took part.

However, they didn't realize their challenge would have serious consequences...

* * *

2009...

"And the hall?" asked Mad Dog. "Okay." he said. "So, how much is this going to come to?" he asked. "No problem. I'll see you in a couple of months."

He hung up the phone.

"Hotel's all set?" asked Batman.

"All set." said Mad Dog. "This is going to be an all-timer pre-race party."

"Are you sure this will be the last Cannonball of the decade?" asked Batman.

"I ran the numbers." said Mad Dog. "It's going to logisticly impossible to pull off another race by the end of the year."

"What about twenty-ten?" asked Batman.

"We'll see, but it's looking good." said Mad Dog. "What do you say we see what's happening in the other room?"

"You got it." said Batman.

They walked into the meeting room to find a dark-haired man in a suit, Agent P.C. Baker of the U.S. Marshals, talking with J.J. Victor and Pamela, a blonde woman, were also present.

"I'm sure you know what this is about." said Baker.

"Not really." said J.J. "Enlighten me."

"Last year, you were involved with an operation in Hawaii." said Baker. "Unfortunately, your operation interfered with an operation of ours to bring a street racer named Dexter Cole to justice."

"Cole." muttered J.J. "I should have known he was up to something else."

"Auto theft, attempt to sell stolen goods, failing to show for a court date." said Baker. "Real model citizen, this one. We were all set to bring this guy in, then you come along and screw everything up."

"Sorry about that." said J.J.

"Sorry isn't going to cover it." said Baker. "Your operation also cost us an insider."

"Whoa, who?" asked J.J.

"That would be me." said a blonde woman who had just entered. "Nina Jankowski, I believe you were responsible for our break up."

"You had the ditz working for you?" asked J.J.

"First of all, I'm not stupid." said Nina. "Second of all...well, I guess there is no second of all. Anyways, I was merely another attendee at the races until I failed to escape when the police showed up. They made me a deal like Baker's making you a deal. I get close to Cole and report his activity to the Hawaiian police, I get my charges dropped."

"And you're going to do the same for me?" asked J.J.

"You're looking at driving without a license." said Baker. "Worse yet, you and your friends are looking at an obstruction of justice charge. I thought it would be only appropriate if you were to assist in the arrest of the man you inadvertantly let get away. If you can help us bring him in, no charges."

"How do we do that?" asked J.J.

"I have an idea." said Mad Dog. "Is Cole wanted in any states between New York and California?"

"A few including California itself." said Baker.

"Maybe we should invite him to enter the Cannonball." said Mad Dog.

"He'll go for that?" asked Victor.

"Of course." said Nina. "The guy is nothing if not weak on willpower. He never could resist a challenge."

"Yeah, I remember last year." said Batman.

"Let me have his number." said Mad Dog. "I'll make the call right now."

Nina took Mad Dog's cell phone and dialled the number. She then gave it back to him.

* * *

In Waimea, Hawaii...

"Look at this." said Dexter Cole as he looked over a customized Honda S2000 with red metallic paint, a Bomex body kit, and Momo Typhoon Silver rims. "When are we going to run this?"

"Anytime would be good." said his brother, Kurt. "Of course, people are going to be surprised when you don't show up with the Mazda."

"Well, how many cars have each of them shown up with?" asked Billy DuBois, the team's interior modifier.

"More than I can count." said Billy's girlfriend, exterior customizer Dolores Ryan.

"That could be a blast." said Charlie Holt, the crew's suspension and brake specialist.

"Guess I'll be using the Mazda until then." said Dexter.

His father Max walked in from the kitchen with a wireless phone. "Dexter, it's for you." he said. "It's one of the guys you raced across the state last year."

"Really?" asked Dexter as he took the phone. "Yeah?"

"Hey, is this Dexter Cole?" asked Mad Dog on the other end.

"Yeah, what's up?" asked Dexter. "How did you get this number?"

"Jill got it from another racer in Waimea." said Mad Dog. "She gave it to me."

"Oh." said Dexter. "So, why are you calling?"

"I was thinking about our little challenge last year." said Mad Dog. "I remembered how you drove and I had a thought. Maybe you'd like to take part in the Cannonball this year. Sounds like it's right up your alley."

"Is that a request?" asked Dexter.

"A request, a dare, a challenge." said Mad Dog. "Whatever you want to call it."

"When does this take place?" asked Dexter.

"July first." said Mad Dog. "The pre-race party starts a week earlier."

"A week?" asked Dexter.

"Last Cannonball of the decade." said Mad Dog. "I wanted to go out with a bang."

"Great, I'll be there." said Dexter.

"Alright, see you then." said Mad Dog. He hung up.

Dexter followed suit. "That was that Mad Dog guy." he said. "He just invited me to take part in the Cannonball this year."

"Sounds to me like you accepted." said drivetrain specialist Jacob Cheng.

"I did." said Dexter.

"You're getting a little more brazen there." said Max.

"What do you mean?" asked Dexter.

"Well, last time I checked, the Cannonball was run on the mainland." said Max.

"Loads of opportunities to get busted." said Billy.

"I think the man's got a death wish." said Dolores.

"Yeah, if I'm going to jail, I'm going in a blaze of glory." said Dexter. "I'm not going to hide out here until S.W.A.T. busts down the gates."

"Hey, if you're going to jail, I'm going to watch you crumble." said Kurt. "I think it'll be a lot of fun watching you get thrown face-first onto your car, maybe get maced or stungunned, all while Johnny Law holds you down."

"Kurt, you just volunteered to go with him." said Max.

Kurt looked at him in shock while Dexter walked over to him and gave the hand sign for "loser".

* * *

Mad Dog put his phone away. "He's in." he said.

"Good." said Baker. "I hope I can count on your cooperation, Mr. McClure."

"You have it." said J.J. "However, I have a couple of requests."

"Okay, I'm listening." said Baker.

"First, I want my license back." said J.J.

"Can do." said Baker. "Next request?"

"I want amnesty for myself and anyone else taking part in the Cannonball." said J.J.

Baker had to think about that one. "I think speeding and general weirdness pales in comparison to Cole's crimes." he said.

"Good." said J.J.

Baker handed him his PDA. "Just write those down here." he said. "Think of it as Schindler's List, the Cannonball Edition."

"I can just imagine that in theaters." said Batman.

"One last thing." said Baker. "I just thought that an operation like this cannot be run from the sidelines. I'm going to need to run this hands-on. I'll need to actually be in a race car for this."

"You just want to be in the Cannonball." said Mad Dog.

"Maybe." said Baker.

"Do you want to enter yourself or should I team you with somebody?" asked Mad Dog.

"Teamed with somebody." said Baker.

"Does Danny have a partner?" asked Victor.

"No, I don't think so." said Mad Dog.

"Who's Danny?" asked Baker.

"The guy driving the Land Rover in Hawaii last year." said J.J. as he wrote in Baker's PDA.

* * *

A week later in Miami, Danny woke up in his bedroom.

"He emigrated from New Zealand at fourteen." explained Mad Dog. "While still in high school, he took a part-time job at a local nightclub. Shortly after he graduated college, he was given the keys."

Danny grabbed a watch off a dresser. It had been sitting between two clocks, one showing local Miami time and the other showing the time in his native Auckland.

"He was there in two-thousand two when we restarted the Cannonball." explained Mad Dog. "He and his receptionist, Melanie Burke, took part and finished respectably."

Danny put on a polo shirt. He pulled it over a pair of surgical scars on his lower back.

"He was one of the big stories in two-thousand five." explained Mad Dog. "He ran the race while suffering from a kidney infection. Just after the race finished, he went in for a transplant."

Danny walked out to the garage and hit the button for the garage door opener.

"Danny likes his cars a certain way." explained Mad Dog. "European, two-seater, five figures, and silver. Always silver."

The door opened and revealed a silver Alfa Romeo Spider. He opened the door and slid into the driver's seat.

"From what I've been hearing, he's been aiming to win this one." explained Mad Dog. "He's been racing from his house in Coconut Grove to his club in Miami Beach, trying to improve his skills."

Danny started the Alfa and threw it into gear. He raced out of the driveway and into the streets.

Within minutes, he had reached downtown Miami and had turned towards the city's causeways to Miami Beach. He swerved around numerous other cars before making it to the causeway.

Danny threw the gearshift into the next gear as he swerved around a truck. He then swerved back into the fast lane. Shortly after coming off the causeway, he cut into a high speed turn.

After making it down the next street, he cut another turn and raced for his nightclub, the Kiwi Club. He drove into the parking lot and slid into a parking space.

Danny cut the engine and checked his watch. His face dropped and he yelled "Damn!"

Inside the club, Melanie was straightening up. Danny walked in looking very mad.

"So, what was your time this morning?" asked Melanie.

"I forgot to start the watch!" snapped Danny.

"Oh." said Melanie.

"Sorry, I'm just pissed." he said.

He turned to the bar and noticed Baker sitting there.

"Who's this guy?" asked Danny.

"P.C. Baker. I was referred to you by Mr. Mad Dog."

"How can I help you?" asked Danny.

Baker pulled out his badge. "I'm with the U.S. Marshals." he said.

Danny and Melanie put up their hands. "Whoa." said Danny. "Look, both Melanie and I are U.S. citizens."

"Don't worry." said Baker. "We're not connected with the INS."

Melanie stepped closer and took a closer look at his badge. "What did you do to this thing?" she asked. "Looks like you went over it with Brillo."

"What did Mad Dog want?" asked Danny.

"It's a long story." said Baker. "Let's just say I'll need your assistance in a federal case involving the Cannonball. You're not the ones we're after. Don't worry about that."

"What do you need me for?" asked Danny.

"For this operation, I need to be your passenger." said Baker. "My quarry is participating in the Cannonball Run. I saw that Alfa Spider you rolled up in. I thought those weren't coming here for another few years."

"I've got connections." said Danny. "It's Italian spec. Like it?"

"It's nice." said Baker. "Remember the older ones with the gearshift sticking out of the dash?"

"Yeah." said Danny. "Ever see 'The Graduate'?"

"Oh, that was a nice scene. Elaine!" said Baker as he mimed pounding on a pane of glass.

Danny laughed. "Okay, it's a deal." he said.

"See you in June, I guess." said Baker.

* * *

Rob Falcon, a young man with black curly hair, pulled up to the attendant's booth for the parking lot at Los Angeles International Airport. He was driving a black Jeep Grand Cherokee SRT-8. In his passenger seat was a heavyset African-American, his bodyguard Big Bison.

"Hi, I'm here to pick up an arrival." he said. "I'll need to park short term."

"We've only got one parking space left." said the attendant as a gold Kia pulled up in the next lane.

Rob looked across the parking lot to see the space in question, then to the woman in the Kia. They traded glares, then both took off.

The smaller Kia took a quick lead. Rob tried to catch up.

"You're losing her." said Bison.

"Got a trick up my sleeve." said Rob. He quickly turned down an aisle. The space was right in front of him on the other side of a gully.

"I hope you got the four-wheel-drive set." said Bison.

"It's permanent." said Rob.

"Oh, that's good." said Bison. "Wait, didn't they take the off-road stuff out of this thing?"

Rob then hopped the curb and drove into the gully. Luckily, he was able to traverse it with little trouble. He then bounded into the parking space just seconds before the Kia got there.

He and Bison got out and headed for the airport. The woman in the Kia yelled "Jerk!"

Inside the airport, Irish skateboarder Patrick Bannon, a young man with black hair, had just gotten off the plane from Dublin and was now waiting on his luggage.

"Hey, Patrick!" yelled Rob.

"Hey, what's up, lads?" asked Patrick.

"The Cannonball is waiting." said Bison. "As soon as your baggage arrives, we're off."

The trio then left the terminal. Rob and Bison were walking while Patrick was on his skateboard.

"Wish I hadn't left mine at the house." said Rob.

"We'll pick it up on the way there." said Patrick. "What's another hour or so?"

"Holy cow, she's still there!" said Bison.

Sure enough, the woman's Kia was still parked by the space.

"Whoa, she looks pissed." said Patrick.

The skateboarder crew started to get back into the Jeep.

"Hey, when we get to the hotel in New York, I've got something to show you." said Patrick.

"If I miss my plane, I'm gonna sue." said the woman.

"Bring it on." said Rob as he closed his door. He started the truck and pulled out of the space.

As he passed the Kia, the woman pulled into the parking space. However, she steered so that she sideswiped the Jeep in the process.

Rob and Patrick leaned out of the windows to take a look. "Well, there's your first racing stripe." said Patrick.

* * *

Later that night, street racers lined up for the evening's competition.

A blonde woman, Jill, leaned against a pearlescent white Nissan Altima Coupe. The car was equipped with an Extreme Dimensions GT Concept body kit and blue and purple splash graphics. She played with the diamond ring on her finger.

A redheaded woman, Marcie, finished talking with a group of racers then walked over to Jill.

"So, what's the deal?" asked Jill.

"Ted wants a go at you." said Marcie. "He's saying you're a traitor to Honda and must be stopped."

"A little melodramatic, isn't he?" asked Jill.

"Yeah, well I think you'd better shut him up." said Marcie. "I'd go at him, but I'm the wrench here. Besides, high speeds make me nauseous lately."

"That should subside by next month." said Jill. "Good thing since that's when the Cannonball takes place. You sure you're up to it?"

"Absolutely." said Marcie. "So what? Are you going to take on Ted or not?"

"Watch me." said Jill.

Jill got into the Nissan and started it. She then drove out to the street. A white '99 Prelude with a poorly fitted body kit was waiting. A young man dressed like a gangsta rapper was leaning against it.

"Hey yo, you ready to pay the piper?" he asked.

"You're on." said Jill.

Ted got into the Prelude and started it. Meanwhile, a black Hyundai Genesis Coupe pulled into the scene.

Jill and Ted revved their engines as a man walked out in front of them. He pointed to Jill and Ted and raised his hands. After a couple of seconds, he dropped his hands and the two cars took off. Actually, the Nissan took off while the Honda barely approached the speed limit.

The Altima raced across the finish line. Several seconds later, the Honda followed.

"He never learns." said Jill.

She pulled over and got out. Marcie was waiting for her.

"Nice one." said Marcie.

"Yeah, too bad it was Ted." said Jill. "I thought we'd be showing this off against a real challenge."

"Well, maybe I can help you there." said a hispanic man as he walked over.

"How you doing, Brutus?" asked Marcie.

"Pretty well for myself." said Brutus. "Got the new Z-Car." he added as he pointed to a silver Nissan 370Z. "What do you say?" he asked. "Nissan versus Nissan?"

"Maybe another time." said Jill. "I only came to show off the car."

Brutus' cell phone beeped. He checked it and read a text message. He then looked to the Genesis that had pulled in. "This guy wants to go once around the block." he said.

"Good luck." said Jill.

"You got it, chica." said Brutus.

Brutus got into the 370Z, started it, and drove over to the starting line. The Hyundai pulled up next to him.

"Hyundai's come a long way." said Marcie. "Hard to believe one would have been laughed out of the race twenty years ago."

The Nissan and the mysterious Hyundai revved their engines. The flagman dropped his hands and the two cars took off.

The Nissan took the lead as they approached the first turn. They then went into the turn. The Nissan failed to hold the turn and went wide. The Hyundai managed to keep its footing and take the lead.

Brutus tried to catch up before they hit the next turn. He failed and dropped further behind. A spectator used his cell phone camera to send footage of the turn to those at the finish line.

"Brutus doesn't seem to be handling the turns very well." said Jill.

"Yeah, and it looks like his opponent knew that." said Marcie. "It's almost as if he knows what Brutus has in...no way."

"What?" asked Jill.

"I think I know who his opponent is." said Marcie.

The two cars went through the third turn with no change to the order. They raced for the final turn with Brutus still playing catch up.

The cars went through the final turn and raced for the finish. Brutus gave it his best, but the Genesis had an insurmountable lead and crossed the finish line first.

"Damn, he's good." said Brutus as he crossed the finish line.

The Hyundai pulled over and the driver's door opened.

Jill and Marcie walked over to it. "Nice driving, Tony." said Marcie.

A young man with brownish blonde hair climbed out. "How'd you know it was me?" he asked.

"Who else has access to the technical specs of other drivers' cars?" asked Jill. "Does your dad know you use that to your advantage?"

"Occasionally." said Tony.

"Caesar come with you?" asked Marcie.

"Sure did, Marcie." said an African-American man as he walked out of the crowd.

"You guys up for another race?" asked Tony.

"Actually, we're done here." said Jill. "You guys want to grab a late dinner?"

"I already ate, but I could go for something." said Caesar.

Half an hour later, they had gone to the burger joint where Jill worked as a waitress and gotten themselves some fries.

"You did some great driving tonight." said Marcie.

"But you should really do some custom work on that thing." said Jill. "That way, it won't look like you're driving your mom's car."

"So, how have the races been going for you, Miss Boyd?" asked Caesar.

"Pretty well." said Jill. "And it's Mrs. Rivers now."

"No way, you and Pete?" said Tony.

"Four months now." said Jill.

"I'm coming up on my first anniversary myself." said Marcie as she showed off her own wedding ring.

"Congratulations." said Caesar. "So, what's his name?"

"Monkey." said Marcie.

Tony and Caesar stared at her for a second. "Look, if you don't want to tell us, just say so." said Tony.

"And if that's not enough, we're also talking about going pro." said Jill.

"You're kidding." said Caesar.

"She's not." said Marcie. "She's taking a look at the various compact racing circuits seeing which ones she can get into."

"Wow, and we can say we knew you when." said Tony.

"Well, we're not going pro just yet." said Jill. "I thought I'd like to try starting a family first."

"We both did." said Marcie.

"So, when are you going to start churning out kids?" asked Caesar.

"Pete and I thought we'd wait until we finished the Cannonball next month." said Jill.

"And Jill suggested that Monkey and I try then as well." said Marice. "Unfortunately, before I discovered this plan of hers, I kinda jumped the gun."

Tony and Caesar looked at her in shock. "You mean?" asked Tony.

Marcie, beaming, shrugged and said "I'm three months pregnant!"

"No way!" said Tony.

"Sweet!" said Caesar.

"So, what's new with you guys?" asked Jill.

Tony and Caesar looked to each other and then back at her. "Let me get back to you on that." said Tony.

* * *

Somewhere in Kentucky, Mel paced around a garage. Nearby, a black '69 Pontiac Trans-Am was parked. The car was outfitted with Centerline Matrix rims and a golden bird decal adorned the hood.

A red Ford Taurus pulled up in front of the garage. Terry climbed out looking rather worried.

"How is she?" asked Mel.

"Not good." said Terry. "She's in ICU now. Doctor says her chances are extremely slim."

"Sarah didn't come back with you?" asked Mel.

"No, she decided to stay with her mom." said Terry. "She told me there was nothing I could do and that I shouldn't let that prevent me from taking part in the Cannonball."

"I'm sorry." said Mel.

"Yeah." said Terry. "Anyway, maybe we should change the subject. Did you test out the Trans-Am?"

"Sure did." said Mel. "Took her for a test drive a few days ago."

"How'd she run?" asked Terry.

"Does this answer your question?" asked Mel as he handed over a speeding ticket.

Terry took it. "Wow, a hundred in a sixty?" asked Terry. "Was that as impressive as it sounds?"

"I think she had a lot more to give out." said Mel.

"Nice." said Terry.

"I think we can go as soon as you take care of that." said Mel.

"Take care of what?" asked Terry.

"The ticket." said Mel. "I was testing out your car when I got that."

"I'm not paying this!" snapped Terry.

* * *

Tony drove back to his house in Huntington Beach. Caesar was with him. Both were silent.

"Anything you want to talk about?" asked Caesar.

"Not really." said Tony.

"Is it about Marcie's baby?" asked Caesar.

"Part of it." said Tony.

"And the rest?" asked Caesar.

"Do you ever feel like you're wasting your life?" asked Tony.

"What, racing all the time?" asked Caesar.

"While I'm racing on the streets of London, my friends back home are actually doing something." said Tony. "Seeking professional careers, getting married, having kids. What have I done?"

"Hey, the shop's still profitable." said Caesar.

"That's true." said Tony. "But I want to do more than that. I want a life."

"You want to get married, have kids." said Caesar.

"I think it's time to take the next step." said Tony.

"Alright." said Caesar. "We're at your place."

Tony turned the wheel and entered the driveway of his somewhat large house. He parked and shut off the engine.

A couple of minutes later, he and Caesar walked into the house. Tony's father Vinnie was waiting for them.

"So, how were the races tonight?" he asked.

"Not bad." said Tony. "I managed to win a race against Brutus Ortiz."

"See any of your other friends?" asked Vinnie.

"Saw Jill and Marcie." said Tony. "Both married now. Can you believe it?"

"Wow, that's amazing." said Vinnie. "Neither of them said anything about it when they came in for parts for that Altima."

"Yeah, I saw that." said Tony. "Hey, is Mom still up?"

"No, she turned in ten minutes ago." said Vinnie.

"Oh." said Tony as he handed over the keys to the Hyundai. "Well, tell her she can have her car back now."

"Will do." said Vinnie.

"By the way, is Sandy still up?" asked Tony.

"I think she is." said Vinnie. "I think she's still running on London time."

"Thanks." said Tony. "See you in the morning, Dad."

"Hey, Mr. B." said Caesar. "Can I sleep in the guest bedroom?"

"That's what it's there for." said Vinnie. "But why can't you sleep at your parents' house?"

"They moved." said Caesar.

Upstairs, Tony knocked on the door of a bedroom where a brown-haired woman was laying in bed. "It's open." she said with a British accent.

Tony stepped inside. "Hey, sweetie." he said.

"My knight in shining...metallic paint returns." said Sandy.

Tony dropped himself on the bed next to her and sighed.

"Racing didn't go brilliantly I suppose." said Sandy.

"No, it went fine." said Tony. "I ran into a couple of friends of mine."

"Oh, how are they?" asked Sandy.

"Married and one's having a baby." said Tony.

"Oh, that's great." said Sandy.

"Yeah, but it's got me thinking." said Tony. "I'm not sure if I can keep living my life like this just being content with what I have. I think I need to start moving forward. But you know I don't want to move forward if you're not there."

"What are you saying?" asked Sandy.

"What I'm saying is I think it's time for us to take the next step." said Tony.

"Really?" asked Sandy.

"Absolutely." said Tony.

* * *

The next morning in Chicago, the Drake's butler led businessman Brad Compton into the Drake's mansion. "Right this way." he said.

The butler led Brad to a bedroom on the second floor and opened the door. "Thank you." said Brad. He entered the bedroom and said "Drake, my good...oh."

The Drake was laying in bed in his pajamas while strapped to a back board. Cuts and bruises adorned his face. Also in the room were Ron, the Drake's mother, and Susan Cope, the Drake's former financial advisor and Brad's ex-wife.

"Brad, nice to see you." said the Drake. "I'd get up and shake hands, but you can see that's not possible."

"My God, what happened?" asked Brad.

"It was a practice accident." said Ron. "Mr. Drake was on Lake Shore Drive practicing for the Cannonball when he blew a tire and slammed into a guardrail. He injured his back pretty badly."

"I decided to invite you here personally to cede victory in our annual wager." said the Drake.

"Well, as I'm not driving this year, the wager is off I guess." said Brad.

"What, you're both going to give up just like that?" asked Susan. "I don't get you two. You practically try to kill each other year after year and now you just lay it down."

"Well, it's a little hard to want to hurt someone in traction." said Brad.

"Can't get hurt much more." laughed the Drake.

"You know, you two are at your best when you're competing with each other." said Susan. "Maybe another competition will lift your spirits."

"Susan, how are we going to compete?" asked the Drake. "It's not like I can just get up and walk around."

"Maybe you can sponsor a Cannonball team each." said Ron. "Brad picks one and manages it. You pick one and manage it."

"Not a bad idea." said the Drake.

"I'll go get Vernon." said Mrs. Drake.

"Who?" asked Brad.

"Vernon Norman, Seymour's guest." said Mrs. Drake. She then walked down the hall.

"Who's Vernon Norman?" asked Brad.

Ron started to answer, but Susan beat him to it. "He's a friend of the Drake's. He and Ron were to join forces and race the Cannonball together."

"How come I've never met him before?" asked Brad.

Mrs. Drake returned with a scruffy, bearded man in blue jeans and a heavy metal T-shirt. Everyone in the room knew him better as "Venom".

"You have." said the Drake.

"Vernon?" asked Brad.

"You try scaring people with it." said Venom.

"Here's the deal." said the Drake. "The team I sponsor will be Ron and Venom. Brad, you may attend the start and pick your team."

"Very well, I will." said Brad.

"Ron, Venom, I suggest you go practice." said the Drake. "There's a car in the garage. I was going to give it to Ron as a gift for seven years of service, but you need it now."

"We'll go do that." said Ron. "Meanwhile, you get well."

He and Venom started for the door.

"Oh, on your way out," said the Drake "could you please set the satellite radio on the classic rock station?"

"What channel is it?" asked Ron.

"Forty-six." said the Drake.

Ron pushed the buttons and "Carry On, Wayward Son" by Kansas started playing.

"Thank you." said the Drake.

Ron and Venom walked outside to the garage.

"Who do you think Brad is going to pick?" asked Venom.

"He's not stupid, just crazy." said Ron. "He'll pick someone who can compete."

"Yeah, that's right." said Venom. "So, what kind of car is this?"

Ron pushed the button to open the garage door. "Knowing the Drake, it's probably a BMW." he said.

The door opened and revealed he was right. It was a black BMW 135i.

"Or at least it will be once it grows up." said Ron.

"Well, look at it this way." said Venom. "It may be a baby Bimmer, but it's still a Bimmer, baby."

"Let's give it a go." said Ron.

Venom walked over and opened the passenger side door. Meanwhile, Ron opened the driver's side door and flipped the seat forward.

"What are you doing?" asked Venom.

Ron pondered his question, then realized what he meant and laughed. "Force of habit." he said as he flipped the seat back.

* * *

In Los Angeles, the Basilotta household was preparing for breakfast. Sandy and Tony's mom, Josephine, were in the kitchen.

"So, let me get this straight." said Josephine. "In England, the hood is called a bonnet, the trunk is called a boot, and NEE-sahn is pronounced Niss-AHN?"

"That's about the size of it." said Sandy.

"Good thing Vinnie sent Tony to do the research." said Josephine.

In the dining room, Tony and Caesar talked.

"So, what did you get up to last night?" asked Caesar.

"We talked a little." said Tony. "We discussed our relationship and I think we've gone on to the next step. So, I think we're officially going steady. I think it's time I got serious."

"Not doing the Cannonball anymore?" asked Caesar.

"No, I'll still do it." said Tony. "In fact, I was thinking of entering the American Cannonball as well. I think Dad would like that."

"Oh, that is sweet." said Caesar.

The morning calm was shattered by a deafening roar.

"What the bloody hell was that?" asked Sandy.

"Hey, Tony. Your friends are here." said Vinnie.

Everyone walked out to the driveway. Tony waved and said "Hey." Caesar's jaw dropped with him gasping in shock.

In front of them were two men with black curly hair and a yellow sports car from the late 60s. "Buon giorno!" they both exclaimed.

"What's up, guys?" asked Tony as he ran out to greet them.

"Just warming up for the big one." said the taller one with an Italian accent.

"Care to introduce us?" asked Josephine.

Tony held out his hands to the taller man and said "Oh, guys. This is Salvatore Moretti, Italian Formula One racer." Then then held out his hands to the shorter one and said "And this is his cousin, Guiseppe Venicci."

"Welcome." said Vinnie. "A friend of Tony's is a friend of mine."

"Nice to see where he gets it from." said Salvatore.

Vinnie then told him something in Italian.

"What did you just say about my mother?" asked Salvatore.

Vinnie looked at him in shock.

"I'm just kidding!" laughed Salvatore.

Everyone involved let out a sigh of relief.

"Would you like to come inside?" asked Josephine. "We just made cannolis."

"Of course." said Salvatore.

"You should see how my mom makes them." said Tony.

Guiseppe started to join them, but noticed Caesar still looking over the car. "Quite an impressive machine, huh?" he asked.

"That's a Lamborghini Miura!" said Caesar.

"Sixty-nine SV." said Guiseppe. "Salvatore wanted to really make a splash in the American Cannonball."

"Oh, he will." said Caesar.

Within minutes, the group was eating breakfast.

"So, what are you doing here, Salvatore?" asked Vinnie.

"Well, next month is the Cannonball Run." said Salvatore. "Guiseppe and I thought it would be a good idea to take a ride across the country and see what America's all about."

"Sightseeing is a little difficult at a hundred and fifty." said Guisepppe.

"In fact, I was thinking of entering myself." said Tony. "Maybe we could be sponsored by the Zone, you know?"

Vinnie thought about it. "Ah, why not?" he said. "Definitely good publicity if a Zone-modified car can hack the Cannonball."

"What's this Zone you're talking about?" asked Guiseppe.

"Speed Zone." said Josephine. "It's Vinnie's chain of performance parts shops across the country."

"And in London." said Sandy.

"Yeah, we're international now." said Caesar.

"So, what's new with you guys?" asked Salvatore.

"Well, we're thinking of opening..." said Vinnie.

"Tony and I are engaged!" blurted out Sandy.

Everybody looked at her in shock, especially Tony.

"When did this happen?" asked Vinnie.

"Last night." said Sandy. "Tony said we should take the next step."

Salvatore and Guiseppe cheered.

"Clear the dance floor." joked Caesar.

Josephine got up and hugged her son. "Well, this is a surprise." she said.

"Yeah, I know." said a very shocked Tony.

* * *

Victor drove the tow truck back from Kingston. J.J. sat in the passenger seat and inserted his new license in his wallet.

"So, how does it feel to have your license back?" asked Victor.

"Wonderful." said J.J. "Now, driving without a license will not be one of the moving violations I commit in the Cannonball."

"Guess you'll have to settle for speeding and reckless driving." said Victor.

"I'd like to see if I can still do those in your Challenger." said J.J.

Victor pulled into the driveway for the garage. They both stared at an empty space next to the garage.

"Speaking of the Challenger, isn't that where we left it?" asked Victor.

J.J. jumped out and ran over to the empty space. "Who did you give the keys to?" he asked.

"I have them." said Victor. "Although I gave a spare set to Lisa for safekeeping."

"And she gave them to us."

J.J. and Victor turned around to see who it was. It turned out to be Chuck and Betty. Three years earlier, the mailroom clerk turned lottery winner.

"What did you do with the Challenger?" asked J.J.

"Yeah, trying to give yourself a little advantage?" asked Victor.

"No." said Betty. "We're not even taking part this year."

"Yeah, when we started taking part, we decided to stop when we won." said Chuck. "As you are aware, that was last year. We might come back someday. For now, we'll let you run in our place."

"Yeah, you'll come back someday." said Victor. "They always come back. Mel did."

"Um, where's the car?" asked J.J.

"California." said Betty. "Someone very prominent in the car customization world, who shall remain nameless, is working on your car."

"He's taking his time to do it right." said Chuck. "It should be finished by Independence Day."

"We're going to need it a little sooner, like Canada Day." said J.J.

"Actualy, you're not." said Betty.

"We're letting you run with this." said Chuck as he walked over to the garage door. He grabbed the handle and yanked it open.

J.J. and Victor looked into the garage and stared in awe. Inside was a brand new yellow Chevrolet Camaro SS with black rally stripes.

"Bitchin'!" said J.J.

AN:Please review.


	2. The Annual PreRace Party

Cannonball Run 2009

Chapter Two: The Annual Pre-Race Party

Guest cast:  
Jamie Blake-Colin Quinn  
Morris Fenderbaum-Arsenio Hall  
Pete Rivers-Danny Strong  
Monkey Matthews-Chad Lindberg  
Suad-Jonathan Ahdout  
Andy Dunn-Cillian Murphy  
Robin Corcoran-Bronagh Gallagher  
Pierre Massarde-Michael Massee  
Monique-Audrey Tautou  
Guillaume-Jean Reno  
Gretchen-Diane Kruger  
Heidi-Franka Potente  
Malcolm Gates-Anthony Stewart Head  
Ian Thomas-Lennie James  
Constable Leeds-Jeremy Clarkson  
Deputy Porter-Richard Hammond  
Kenneth Livingston-James May  
Jimmy Madison-Brian Bloom  
Frankie Thunder-Johnny Strong

Late in June, J.J. raced down the highway towards New York City in the Camaro. Victor sat in back while Pamela sat in the front passenger seat. J.J. and Victor were singing along to the song on the radio, "Bitchin' Camaro" by the Dead Milkmen.

"The important thing is this is the part where you ask how we're getting down to the shore." said J.J.

"Oh. How you getting down to the shore?" asked Victor.

"Funny you should ask." said J.J. "I've got a car now."

"Oh wow, how'd you get a car?" asked Victor.

"Oh, my folks drove it up here from the Bahamas." said J.J.

"You're kidding." said Victor.

"I must be. The Bahamas are islands." said J.J. "The important thing here is you ask me what kind of car it is."

"Uh, what kinda car do you got?" asked Victor.

"I've got a bitchin' Camaro." said J.J.

Pamela laughed at them as the chorus played. "You really think you can win this?" she asked.

"Right now, there's something more important than winning." said J.J. "We've got our freedom to maintain due to the incident with Cole and his team."

"Hey, don't you worry, J.J." said Victor. "You've got justice on your side and you've got HIM on your side."

"Sounds like I might be overprotected." said J.J. "I won't worry. I've got a good car and good friends. I'm totally..."

J.J. then noticed a dark-colored truck in his rearview with a light bar on the roof. He released the accelerator and pulled into the right hand lane. The truck passed them. He let out a sigh of relief when he saw it was a State Parks truck and not a police vehicle.

"You were scared." said Victor.

"Damn right." said J.J.

* * *

Tony and Caesar were on a plane from London bound for LaGuardia. Tony looked out of the window.

"Think of it as a rolling bachelor party." said Caesar.

"By accident." said Tony.

"Hey, you two were gonna get married sooner or later." said Caesar.

"Yeah, but I think it's a little too soon." said Tony. "Sandy and I just started a couple of years ago and now we're taking the big plunge."

"You could always call it off." said Caesar.

"No, she's already told all our friends." said Tony. "You're right, though. One last splash."

Minutes later, the plane landed and the pair disembarked. They found Tony's parents waiting for them. "Hey, Tony!" said Vinnie.

"What's up, dad?" asked Tony as they joined in a manly hug.

"We heard you were getting ready for the big race." said Josephine.

"Thought we'd show you guys something. Come on." said Vinnie.

He led them to the parking lot and pointed to a Winnebago parked there.

"What, you're gonna make us drive that?" asked Tony.

"No, we're using that." said Vinnie. "We're going to trace your route and warn you of any dangers. We're leaving as soon as you show up for the party. You're driving this."

He led them to the other side of the Winnebago and Tony blanched. In front of him was a Hyundai Genesis Coupe with a wide body kit, iForged TE-16 rims, orange pearlescent paint, and splash graphics that seemed to fade into the paint job.

"Ho...ly...cow." he gasped.

"Like it?" asked Vinnie.

"You got me my own Genesis." gasped Tony.

"Not quite." said Vinnie. "This is your mom's. She decided to let you use her car in the race. She also let us work it over."

"Whoa, where'd you get this body kit from?" asked Caesar.

"Rhys Millen Racing." said Vinnie. "Really the only company offering a body kit for the Genesis Coupe right now."

"Yeah, it's pretty new to the market." said Tony. "These graphics look nice."

"I was hoping you'd notice them." said Vinnie. "Come look at this." He directed Tony to come towards him. "As you can see from here, the 'Speed Zone' logo has been cut into the splash. But..." He then brought Tony further up. "...when you see it from this angle, the graphics blend in with the paint."

"Wow, that's almost subliminal." said Tony.

"One other thing." said Vinnie. "The car is also outfitted with airbag suspension." He reached into the passenger compartment and pushed a button on the steering wheel. The car slowly dropped a couple of inches. "Therefore, if you should high center it somehow, just push that switch and you'll be..."

Tony covered his eyes and started to cry.

"Tony, what's wrong?" asked Vinnie. "Are you crying?"

"I have the best parents ever!" sobbed Tony.

* * *

In Staten Island, Terry's Trans Am was parked at a gas station when Danny pulled in with his Alfa Romeo.

"Okay." said Terry into his cell phone. "We're in Staten Island now. We're getting gas." he said. "We should be in Manhattan within half an hour." he said. "Okay. I'll call you again when we reach the hotel. Bye."

He hung up looking somewhat distraught.

"How's she doing?" asked Mel as he replaced the pump nozzle.

"Not well." said Terry. "She's in intensive care. She's getting worse."

"Hey, Terry!" yelled Danny.

"Look, Danny's back." said Mel.

Danny and Baker walked over to them.

"What's up, you guys?" asked Danny.

"Off to the Cannonball." said Terry.

"Sweet." said Danny. "And what's new with you?"

Terry looked away. "My mother-in-law is dying." he said. "She had a stroke. She's trying to hold on, but Sarah says she's fading a little more each day."

"Oh, I'm sorry to hear that." said Danny.

"She sounds like someone close to you." said Baker.

"And you are?" asked Mel.

"P.C. Baker. I'm Danny's teammate this year."

"Baker, this is Terry and Mel." said Danny.

"Watch out for me." joked Baker as he shook hands with Terry.

"So, what is it you do for a living?" asked Terry.

"Well, Mr. Fletcher. I..." started Baker.

"How do you know my last name?" interupted Terry.

Baker tried to think of an answer that didn't reveal he was a U.S. Marshal. He wasn't sure how Terry would react if he found out he'd been spying on him the previous year.

"Uh, I told him on the way here." said Danny. "Mr. Baker is a manager for a band that performed at the club last month. He wanted to unwind after a long tour and I suggested the Cannonball."

"Oh, what's the band called?" asked Mel.

Baker thought for a second. "Infinity." he said.

"Nice name." said Terry.

"I'd give them a listen." said Mel. "Even if they're not country."

"Hey, did you pay for the gas?" asked Terry.

"Yeah, let's go." said Mel.

They returned to the Trans Am. Danny picked up the nozzle for another gas pump. He inserted it into the fuel port on his Alfa Romeo.

"Where'd you come up with that band name?" he asked.

Baker pointed to an Infiniti M45 on the other side of the station.

"Oh." laughed Danny.

* * *

Jill drove the Altima out of the Lincoln Tunnel.

"How much further to the hotel?" asked Marcie.

"Not far." said Jill.

"Can't wait to see everyone." said Marcie. "Think they're going to be okay?"

"They are going to flip when they see you." said Jill.

"I don't know about this." said Marcie. "Maybe I shouldn't be doing this in my condition."

"Can't very well race next year." said Jill.

"Yeah, you're right." said Marcie. "Besides, it's not like I'm unable to race."

"Got that right." said Jill.

* * *

In the center of Manhattan, Mad Dog stood on the sidewalk next to the entrance to an underground parking garage. The garage was for the hotel where the race was starting. He was looking up at the driver of a blue Ford F-650 (one of those "big rig" pickups). "Well, I see congratulations are in order." he said. "You've easily got the biggest vehicle in the race."

"Great, see you inside." said the driver.

He pulled into the garage. That's when Mad Dog spotted Rob's Jeep approaching the entrance. The Jeep slowed down and steered into the entrance and stopped next to him.

"Thought you guys would come back." said Mad Dog.

"It's completely insane, isn't it?" asked Rob.

"Alright." said Mad Dog. "Take your parking space and check in. They'll assign you to your room."

"Got it." said Rob.

"Hey, do the rooms have DVD players?" asked Patrick.

"Yeah, why do you ask?" asked Mad Dog.

"Brought something I have to show Rob." said Patrick.

"Okay, go for it." said Mad Dog.

The Jeep drove into the garage. J.J's Camaro came down the street next. He pulled up next to Mad Dog and stopped.

"Hey, Mad Dog!" yelled J.J.

"Hey, J.J." said Mad Dog as they fived each other. "I thought if anyone got one of these new Camaros, it would be you."

"Courtesy of Chuck Prescott." said J.J.

"So, that's what he meant." said Mad Dog.

"He told you about it?" asked J.J.

"He's here." said Mad Dog. "He wanted to attend the pre-race party despite not taking part. I said 'Why not'."

"Shall we go in?" asked J.J.

"By all means." said Mad Dog.

J.J. rolled into the garage. Inside, he found row upon row of high performance automobiles. He finally found an empty parking space and pulled in.

After he, Victor, and Pamela got out of the car, they found Brad talking with Chuck and Betty.

"So, who's this guy you're sponsoring?" asked Chuck.

"I'll show you when he gets here." said Brad.

"Oh hey, J.J!" said Betty. "How's the car working out?"

"Nicely." said J.J.

"Yeah, looks like we've got a key advantage this year." said Victor.

"Not necessarily." said Brad. "You still haven't seen who I am sponsoring in the race."

"Well, when do we meet him?" asked Pamela.

"He should be here soon." said Brad. "He called me to say he was almost here."

Elsewhere, Batman was looking over a black and silver roadster. The car was wide enough for three seats with the driver's seat in the center.

"I've heard of these amphibious sports cars." said Batman. "What did you say this was called again?"

"Gibbs Aquada." said the driver.

"Cool." said Batman.

"Yeah, we were planning to take a shortcut by driving across the Hudson River." said the driver.

"If what I hear is true, you don't need an amphibious vehicle for that." said Batman.

Just then, a red Audi R8 drove down the ramp and drove into a parking space. The doors opened and a familiar pair climbed out.

"Here they are now." said Brad.

"Blake and Fenderbaum." said J.J.

"Greetings." said Blake, a middle-aged man with blonde hair. "I trust that Brad has informed you of my employment with him."

"Not in so many words." said J.J.

"Well, Brad is sponsoring us in the race." said Fenderbaum, an African-American with a moustache.

"Yeah, that Audi is probably going to give us a challenge." said Victor.

"Speaking of challenges, I think you should be preparing for the race." said Brad.

"If you say so." said Blake.

As he walked away, Jill drove down the ramp and parked her Altima in a space directly facing the group.

"Here's our newlywed." said Pamela.

Jill opened the driver's side door and climbed out.

"Well, welcome back, Miss Boyd." said Victor.

"It's Mrs. Rivers now." said Jill as Marcie opened her door. "Call me an old-fashioned southern girl, but I had no qualms about taking my husband's name."

"I'm sure he greatly appreciated that." said Pamela as Marcie climbed out and stood behind the door.

"On that note, Marcie," said J.J. "how is married life treating..."

Marcie smiled, then closed the door, revealing the bulge in her belly.

"Oh, I see." said J.J.

Marcie walked over to them.

"Congratulations!" squealed Pamela. "So, when are you due?"

"Five months." said Marcie. "Monkey's really excited about it. Nice to see I can conceive something other than a decent blueprint."

"Well, congratulations on being the first ever pregnant Cannonballer." said J.J.

Betty cleared her throat to attract his attention.

"Okay, congratulations on being the first ever pregnant Cannonballer who actually was pregnant." said J.J.

Betty gave him an "okay" gesture.

"Can you point me to the restaurant?" asked Marcie. "My appetite has been crazy since the second trimester began."

"Oh, of course." said J.J.

"See you at the party." said Jill.

She and Marcie walked towards the elevator. "Did you see all these cars?" asked Marcie.

"Yeah." said Jill. "Bet you'd love to work on all..." She stopped when she saw a white Kia Soul with the face of a young man of middle eastern descent painted on the side. On the hood was the name "Suad".

"Is that who I think it is?" asked Marcie.

"I think it is." said Jill.

Ron drove the BMW down the street and stopped next to Mad Dog.

"Hey, Ronnie." said Mad Dog. "I heard from the Drake. Hope he feels better."

"He'd like to hear that." said Ron. "Where can I park this?"

"There should be a spot over by the elevator." said Mad Dog.

"Thank you." said Ron.

He drove down the ramp and headed for the elevator. Unfortunately, he couldn't find a parking space. He did find Jill's and Marcie's husbands, Pete Rivers and Monkey Matthews.

"Hey, Pete!" yelled Venom. "We're looking for a parking space."

"What?" asked Pete, a short guy with dark hair. "Oh, sorry. I guess we took it."

"Now, where do we park?" asked Ron.

"Actually, we've got a place set up on the East River." said Monkey, a taller, thinner guy with brown hair. "It belongs to Jill's boss. He's letting us borrow it until the race starts. Maybe we can park the car there."

"Sounds like a plan." said Venom.

Ron and Venom got out of the BMW and Pete and Monkey got in.

"By the way, congratulations." said Ron.

"Thank you." said Monkey.

Ron and Venom made for the elevator.

"Hey, Ron forgot his cell phone." said Pete as he picked up the phone.

"Nice find." said Monkey. "Hey, Ron!"

Ron and Venom stepped into the elevator without noticing him.

"Ah, he's not going to need it for a while." said Pete.

"Yeah, let's go." said Monkey. He drove the BMW out of the garage.

* * *

In their hotel room, Rob and Patrick set up the DVD player.

"So, what's this you want to show me?" asked Rob.

"Before I left, Robin shot a series of video messages from the other European Cannonballers." said Patrick.

"Wait, you're still associating with that stalker?" asked Bison.

"Oh, she stopped doing that long ago." said Patrick as he pressed "Play". He ran back to the couch where Rob and Bison were sitting and said "Yeah, she's a little closer to what we call normal."

The image on the TV screen showed Patrick's fellow skateboarder Andy Dunn looking into the camera. He was so close, only his eyes, nose, and forehead were visible.

"Wish I could say the same for Andy." said Patrick.

"Andy, get away from the camera!" said Robin Corcoran on the disk. She was a former obsessed fan of Rob's who was now working as a documentarist. Andy ran away from the camera and sat next to her. "Hello, Rob, Bison." said Robin. "I hope this message found you well."

"We had to record over Rob's favorite Cranberries CD to do so." said Andy.

"He's kidding...I hope." said Patrick.

"We just went around the continent recording messages of encouragement from the other European Cannonballers." said Robin. "We went to Italy and Sweden, but Salvatore, Guiseppe, and the Lindstroms weren't there. We did get these."

"First of all," said Andy "we tripped down to France to talk with Pierre."

The video image cut to a blonde man in an office somewhere. Behind him were a tough-looking bald man with a goatee and a dark-haired woman. All three were wearing suits.

"Bonjour, mon ami." said the man, French businessman Pierre Massarde. "We heard you were taking part in the American Cannonball Run. I wish we could be there with you guys."

"However, Monsieur Massarde is preparing for the European race and cannot attend." said the woman, Massarde's finacial advisor Monique. "A tragedy for sure as he has just purchased a new De La Chapelle."

"What's that?" asked Rob.

"It's a French sports car." said Patrick. "Look it up on the net."

"But in another month, we hope to see you here." said the other man, Pierre's bodyguard Guillaume. "For now, take to that highway and show them who's boss."

"It's a three thousand mile journey you're facing." said Pierre. "But you've faced it before and you'll easily face this again. So, to that I say have fun."

The video cut back to Robin and Andy. "After that, we headed for Germany to talk with Heidi and Gretchen." said Andy. "We kind of caught them in the middle of practice."

The video then cut to a blonde woman walked across the parking lot of a race track.

"Ah, that's the famed Hockenheimring race track." said Patrick.

"Isn't that where Jim Clark bought it?" asked Bison.

"You've done your homework." said Rob.

"As you can see, we're getting ready for the European Cannonball Run." said the woman, receptionist Gretchen Steinberg. "Therefore, you're safe from us during the American one. To that end, I wish you good luck in your challence."

An engine was heard as she entered the pit area.

"Maybe Heidi would like to give you some input on the track." said Gretchen as a blue Gumpert Apollo pulled up. "Here she is now."

Robin walked over to the passenger side door and flipped it open. A dark-haired woman was behind the wheel. She was businesswoman Heidi Kerner.

"Well, Miss Corcoran." said Heidi. "To what do I owe this honor?"

"Patrick is heading to America to take part in the Cannonball." said Robin. "I was hoping to make a video to wish him well."

"What are we, chopped liver?" asked Bison.

"Climb in and we'll talk." said Heidi.

Robin climbed into the Gumpert and set the camera on the dashboard. She fastened her seat harness and picked it back up. Heidi floored the accelerator and drove off.

"So, Patrick is taking part in the American Cannonball." said Heidi as she eased into the first turn. "That is wonderful. He and his friends are sure to do well. I've seen them race before."

She slowed down to make a hard turn, then gunned it.

"I'd wish them luck, but I doubt they'll need it." said Heidi. "They've got skill. They've got drive. They've got a weird sense of humor. Hang on."

She slowed down and tore through the hairpin before flooring it again.

"Still, I hope he manages to crush the competition." said Heidi. "If he does well, I just might head over there myself."

The video cut back to Andy and Robin.

"And finally, we went to Britain for Malcolm and Ian." said Robin. "Big mistake? You tell me."

The video then cut to the side of a road. A police officer, Constable Leeds, and his second-in-command, Deputy Porter, were standing by.

"Gates?" asked Leeds. "Yes, he's here."

"Hey, Gates?" asked Porter. "You've got a visitor!"

Robin panned over to a road crew in orange jumpsuits. Two of them were Malcolm Gates, a man with sandy brown hair, and Ian Thomas, a black man with a moustache. "Malcolm?" asked Robin. "Is there something you'd like to say to Rob Falcon and Big Bison?"

"Not now." said Malcolm as he picked up pieces of discarded paper. "I'm rather busy at the moment."

"They're taking part in the American Cannonball." said Robin. "I was wondering if you had some words of encouragement for them."

"We're in the middle of serving a sentence." said Ian. "We'd rather not hear about what someone else is doing while we can't."

"Maybe if you sent them some kind words, you can be with them in spirit." said Robin.

"No!" said Malcolm. "Now, give us some peace and let us work!"

"And you think that work's going to give Rob and Bison any help?" asked Robin.

Malcolm reached down, picked up a discarded cupcake, said "Sod off!", and threw it.

Robin dodged the stale pastry, then brought her camera back up. She saw Malcolm covering his mouth in embarrassment. She then panned over to where he was looking and saw Leeds wiping frosting from his face. Porter was desperately trying not to laugh.

"Good shot." said Leeds.

* * *

In the garage, a silver Spyker C8 drove down the ramp and rolled into a parking space.

"Wow, did you see that?" asked J.J.

"You don't bring something like that unless you're serious." said Victor.

"Yeah, this guy's got a need for speed." said J.J.

The driver's side door of the Spyker opened and a man with long, thick, brown hair climbed out. "Cheers, all." he said with a British accent.

"Who is that guy?" asked Chuck.

"Mr. Livingston!" yelled Salvatore as he slammed the door to his Lamborghini.

"Salvatore." said the man, Kenneth Livingston. "Wasn't expecting to see you here."

"We heard about this." said Guiseppe. "We wanted to see what all the fuss was about."

"Well, all I can say is you're in for quite a ride." said Kenneth.

Chuck took a picture of the Spyker with his cell phone camera, then called a number. "Hey, Brad." he said. "Check out this car." he said. "Yeah, those Italians are doing some amazing things with cars. Right?" he said. He then looked confused and asked "Dutch?"

A red Mustang with white racing stripes, a body kit, and chrome wheels rolled in. It drove some distance, then turned into a parking space.

"Sweet." said J.J. "If I'm not mistaken, that's a Roush 427R."

The Mustang's driver's door opened and a tall man with a black buzz cut climbed out.

"Where do I know him from?" asked Victor.

"Last year in Hawaii." said J.J. "He was the guy trying to run us off the road."

"Jeesh, I miss all the fun." said Pamela.

* * *

Monkey navigated the streets of the Lower East Side in the BMW. "I'm starting to see why this is billed as the 'ultimate driving machine'." he said.

"That's great." said Pete. "Can you just find this place?"

Ron's cell phone went off. Pete started to go to answer it.

"Don't. It's not yours." said Monkey.

Pete just set the phone on the center console. Within seconds, the voice mail picked it up.

"Ron, it's your boss." said the Drake. "I just wanted to see if you made it in okay. I also wanted to wish you luck in the race. I heard about Marcie's impending motherhood, so be sure to pass along my congratulations."

Pete smiled at Monkey who smiled back.

The Drake continued. "Hopefully, their kid will grow up with better taste in cars. You had a point before you left. What they do to cars should be illegal in most states."

Pete and Monkey looked offended and looked at the phone with disgust.

"Seriously, is that any way to do up a car?" asked the Drake. "Come back when you've realized slapping on a body kit, painting it in garish colors, and bolting on chrome rims is just ridiculous. Oh, I'm rambling. Stupid medication. I'll talk to you soon. Bye."

The Drake ended the call. Pete and Monkey looked at each other in annoyance. "What do you think?" asked Monkey.

"I think we should exact a little revenge...tuner style." said Pete.

* * *

In front of the hotel, Vinnie parked in the street while Tony parked in the lane to enter the parking garage. Tony leaned out of the Hyundai's window.

"Okay, we're here, Dad!" yelled Tony.

"Have fun!" yelled Vinnie.

"You too!" yelled Tony.

Vinnie continued towards the Hudson River while Tony turned towards the hotel and parked next to Mad Dog.

"Hi, I'm Tony Basilotta." said Tony.

"I know who you are." said Mad Dog. "You can tell your dad that a lot of the stuff we put in these cars is because of him."

"He'll like to hear that." said Tony.

"Welcome aboard." said Mad Dog.

Tony started for the garage, but Mad Dog stopped him.

"Hold it." said Mad Dog. "I don't think you've got enough ground clearance for this ramp."

"No problem." said Tony. "Now, where's that switch? Ah, here it is."

He flipped the switch and the car rose a few inches when the airbag suspension inflated. He then drove into the garage and down the ramp. He found a parking space and parked. He and Caesar climbed out and headed for the elevator.

On their way, they passed a pair of Hispanic men working on the engine of an orange Mastretta MXT (a Mexican sports car similar to a Lotus Elise). They conversed in Spanish while pointing to several parts of the engine.

Tony walked up to them and looked at the engine. He then pointed to a couple of parts and told them something in Spanish. One man looked where he was pointing and said something to the other. The other replied and they both told Tony "Gracias." and patted him on the back.

Tony and Caesar continued to the elevator. "Nice work." said Caesar.

"Hey, you try growing up in Southern California without picking up some Spanish." said Tony.

A blue Lexus IS-F drove down the ramp and headed for a parking space. Professor Weathers and a blonde woman climbed out.

"Professor Weathers, nice to see you again." said Terry.

"Who's the girl?" asked Mel.

"This is the wife." said Weathers. "She asked to come along this year. I thought she might have some insight on my research project, so I decided to allow her."

"The family that races together stays together." said Mel.

"Just look at the Pettys." said Terry.

* * *

Pete and Monkey had the BMW parked in Chris' garage. Nearby, Pete was working with a laptop. In short order, he had the Drake onscreen.

"Hey, it's Pete and Monkey." said the Drake. "What's happening in New York?"

"Recognize this?" asked Monkey as he pointed to the BMW.

"What are you doing with Ron's car?" asked the Drake.

"The same thing we did with Jill's Altima." said Pete. "We got your little voicemail and I don't think I like what you said about us."

"Look, I was heavily medicated at the time." said the Drake. "You need to disregard what I said as the ramblings of someone not in his right mind."

"Too late for that." said Monkey as he walked over with a pair of face masks and two pairs of goggles. "We've already ordered the parts."

"Parts? What parts?" asked the Drake.

Pete and Monkey put on the goggles and Monkey put on a face mask. He handed the other to Pete and walked over to the bench.

"You'll see." said Pete. He then pulled the face mask over his nose and mouth and Monkey returned with a couple of belt sanders.

"You wouldn't." said the Drake.

"We will." said Monkey. He reached over and folded the laptop closed.

* * *

At the hotel, Tony and Caesar met with Suad, a young man of Middle Eastern decent and wearing a Los Angeles Dodgers baseball jersey.

"So, how's it been, Suad?" asked Tony.

"Wonderful." said Suad. "I've been playing the local clubs. I've had good concerts and bad concerts. How about you?"

"Well, we're looking to expand." said Caesar. "Blackpool, Bristol maybe. We might even try Dublin."

"Oh, and guess what?" asked Tony. "I'm engaged."

"Oh, congratulations." said Suad. "So, who's the lucky girl?"

"You know Oswald Longmore?" asked Tony. "His sister Sandy."

Jill and Marcie turned down the hallway and came upon the group.

"How's he doing?" asked Caesar.

"Oswald?" asked Suad. "He got married a couple of years ago. He's been busy at work and hasn't been racing lately."

"And he was starting to do so well." said Jill as she and Marcie approached.

"Hey, ladies." said Suad.

"We were kind of surprised to see you here." said Marcie.

"I see what you've been up to." said Suad. "My people find much beauty in the process of producing offspring, especially the mother."

"I know, you like my boobs." said Marcie.

"Well, there's that too." said Suad.

"Marcie, are you sure it's a good idea for you to race while pregnant?" asked Tony.

"Are you kidding?" asked Marcie. "I specificly chose the seat harnesses to accommodate my belly. Other than that, I completely trust this one behind the wheel."

"What are you guys doing here?" asked Jill.

"We're going to be in the race." said Caesar.

"You too?" asked Jill.

"One last fling before getting hitched." said Tony. "Sandy and I got engaged last month."

"You're kidding." said Marcie.

"Not." said Tony.

"Wow, moving kind of fast there." said Jill.

"Well, I'm a racer you know." said Tony as Rob, Bison, and Patrick came around the corner.

"Hey, Tony!" yelled Rob.

"It's a bloody reunion." said Caesar.

"Bloody?" asked Marcie. "I think you've been living in England too long."

"Fancy running into you here." said Patrick.

"We're doing the American race this year." said Tony. "Dad's got us sponsoring the Zone."

"That is awesome." said Bison.

Patrick looked to Marcie and said "I see someone's got a snapper on the way."

"A what?" asked Marcie.

"It's Irish slang for a baby." said Rob. "Didn't you see the movie with the guy from Star Trek?"

"Yeah, let's go play catch-up." said Jill.

* * *

A white Dodge Dakota that had been lowered and modified with a body kit drove down the ramp. It was followed by a dark green '82 Ford Granada that had been raised, fitted with twenty inch rims, and had its trim plated gold.

"I see Puff Daddy's here." said Danny as he looked on.

The two vehicles parked and a buff-looking man with a dark buzz cut and a thin moustache climbed out of the Granada.

"Frankie Thunder?" asked J.J. "What's he doing here?"

"Hey, J.J." said Frankie. "No hug for your favorite abductor?"

J.J. just chuckled to himself and shook his head. He then did an elaborate handshake with Frankie. "Whose side are you on this time?" he asked.

"Mine." said Frankie. "I called Mad Dog asking if he could use some protection this year. He asked me to participate instead."

"And you're using these?" asked Victor. "A mini-truck and a donk?"

"If you're going to race, do it in style." said Frankie. "I learned that from you."

"Learned from the best." said J.J.

Just then, the Honda S2000 Dexter was working on rolled down the ramp. It drove some distance and turned into a parking space. Dexter and Kurt climbed out.

"I was starting to think you wouldn't show up." said Danny.

"One does not back down from a challenge like this." said Dexter.

"Dexter?" asked Baker. "I'm P.C. Baker, the manager of the band Infinity."

"Never heard of them." said Dexter.

"You will." said Baker. "In fact, you'll remember their name for a very long time."

"They have a record?" asked Kurt.

"Everyone I deal with has a record." said Baker.

"Um, Mr. Baker?" asked Danny. "Can I have a word with you? Miss Burke is having some difficulty with your band."

"Hold on a second." Baker told Dexter. He then walked over to Danny.

"What the hell are you doing?" whispered Danny. "You're going to tip him off. You might as well show him your badge."

"I'm trying to see if he suspects." said Baker. "Don't worry. I've done this before."

"You're not instilling me with a lot of confidence." said Danny.

"That's why I'm the agent and you're the technical advisor." said Baker. "Now, if you don't mind, I'd like to get back to him before he gets really suspicious."

"And then you're going to arrest him?" asked Danny.

"I...can't." said Baker. "New York is not one of the states in which he's wanted."

"Let's go." said Danny.

The two men then walked back to Dexter. "So, Danny says you raced him in Hawaii last year." said Baker.

"Sure did." said Dexter. "I'm a little surprised he kept up while driving a Land Rover."

"Kept up and more." said Danny. "What happened to that RX-8 you had last year?"

"Fried the ECU." said Kurt. "We're waiting on a new one right now."

"Yeah, I hate it when that happens." said Danny.

"Come on, let's see if we can find the others." said Dexter.

* * *

That night, J.J, Pamela, and Victor made their way to the reception hall.

"So much going on." said Victor.

"Babies, engagements, dying relatives." said Pamela. "Not to mention the whole criminal investigation."

"At least we still have the party." said J.J.

They entered the reception hall and walked past a sign reading "Welcome Cannonballers."

The rest of the racers were there as well. J.J. found Dexter and Kurt.

"Hey, guys." said Victor.

"What's the word?" asked Dexter.

"Par-tay." said Pamela.

"Sounds great." said Kurt.

"Just be careful." said J.J. "This is the calm before the storm."

Meanwhile, Brad found Fenderbaum. "Where's Blake?" asked Brad.

"I don't know." said Fenderbaum. "Last time I saw him was in the hotel room."

"I'll go tell him he's missing the party." said Brad.

Mad Dog walked up onto the stage in front of the room and tapped on a microphone. "Good evening, Cannonballers." he said. "Welcome to the last race of the decade. With such a milestone, I decided to send the oughties out with a bang."

The racers applauded.

Mad Dog continued. "As you can see by the size of the crowd, I have invited as many participants as possible. Unfortunately, this includes several people I don't like."

Fenderbaum stopped applauding and looked insulted.

"And now for this night's entertainment." announced Mad Dog. "There are no doubt numerous people out there who write poetry about cars. This guy writes songs. Parody songs. So, ladies and gentlemen, I give you the 'Weird Al' of the racing scene, Suad."

Suad stepped onto the stage with an electric guitar hanging around his neck. Behind him was his backup band. "Good evening, Cannonballers!" he said. "Since you've travelled so very far, be my guest and let me entertain you."

"I see he's played 'Time Crisis'." said Dexter.

Suad's bass player began playing the music from Filter's "Hey, Man. Nice Shot". Soon, Suad joined in on guitar while the drummer started drumming. After a few seconds, Suad began to sing.

**I wish I had a license,  
so I could take a test drive.  
Your car looks so cool,  
cruisin' down on Highway 5.**

**They said that the front end damage,  
was all wrong.  
You fixed it up and tuned it.  
Now, the motor's strong.**

**That's why I say "Hey, man. Nice car."  
What a nice car, man.**

**A man,  
has car.  
Hey, man.  
Drive far.  
Nice car.**

**Now that the paint's on,  
and the stripes are applied,  
those who are right there,**  
**can see a new kind of ride.**

**They said that the new engine,  
probably wouldn't last.  
You stick it into gear and show what,  
you consider fast.**

**That's why I say "Hey, man. Nice car."  
What a nice car, man.  
That's why I say "Hey, man. Nice car."  
What a nice car, man.**

**A man,  
has car.  
Hey, man.  
Drive far.  
Nice car.**

**A man,  
has car.  
Hey, man.  
Drive far.**  
**Nice car.**

**Wish I had a license.  
Wish I had a license.  
Wish I had a license.  
Wish I had a license.**

**Drive that nice car.**

* * *

Brad made his way to Blake's hotel room. He used Fenderbaum's card key to open the door.

He then stepped in, turned on the lights, and said "Blake, you're missing the..." before yelping in shock.

To Be Continued


	3. The Party Part 2

Cannonball Run 2009

Chapter Three: The Party, Part 2

AN:I'd like to thank Anthony Bannon for the character Richie Wheeler.  
New cast members:  
Richie Wheeler-Jonah Hill  
Marie Lindstrom-Nina Persson  
Per Lindstrom-Dolph Lundgren  
Steve Carter-Mike Epps  
Jessie Munroe-Raelee Hill

Blake and Susan sat up in bed together.

"What the hell is going on here?" yelled Brad.

"Look, we used to be married." said Susan. "Figure it out."

"I don't believe this." said Brad. "I gave you this opportunity and you go and screw me like this."

"Look, I've got these needs and I just can't get them from Fenderbaum." said Blake.

"I can't ignore this bit of betrayal." said Brad. "I'm really thinking of cutting your funding."

"Just as well." said Blake. "I was planning to drop out of the race anyway."

"What, what, what, what?" stammered Brad.

"I've been feeling a little bored with the race lately." said Blake. "I've been thinking about taking a break for a while."

"Now?" asked Brad. "Didn't I hire you to drive this race for me?"

"Hey, what can I say?" asked Blake.

"Well, what am I suuposed to do?" asked Brad.

"I dunno." said Blake. "Find someone else?"

"Who?" yelled Brad.

"Brad, there's an entire room full of racers out there." said Susan. "Surely, one of them would be willing to race for you."

Brad closed the door and marched back to the hall. "Things have got to be going better for the Drake." he groaned.

* * *

In the Lower East Side town house, Monkey and Pete looked at the mostly disassembled BMW. "Good first day." said Pete.

* * *

Terry and Mel sat with a group of other men.

"Got a picture?" asked Mel.

"Check it out." said one of the other men. He handed them a photograph of a '69 Dodge Charger R/T. The car was yellow with black stripes around the tail.

"Cool." said Terry. "That thing got a Hemi?"

"Four-twenty-six." said the man.

"Alright." said Mel.

A slightly overweight young man with brown, curly hair walked over to them. "Hey, is this the muscle car crowd?" he asked.

"Sure is." said one of the other men. "Want to join us?"

"You bet." said the young man. "Hey, aren't you Terry Fletcher?"

"That's me." said Terry.

"Sweet, the winner of the two-thousand-two race." said the young man. "Whatcha running this year?"

"Sixty-nine Trans-Am." said Terry.

"Richie Wheeler, sixty-six Bonneville." said the man.

"Moment of silence for Pontiac." said Terry. "They built excitement."

"I'm Mel." said Mel. He then pointed to the others and said "This is Anthony, Fairlane Cobra. Ryan, sixty-nine Charger. Tim, Cyclone Spoiler. Tommy, eighty-six Monte Carlo."

"Sweet." said Richie.

* * *

Elsewhere, Jill, Marcie, Tony, and Caesar were sitting with Salvatore and Guiseppe.

"So, after the accident, I'm there in the hospital." said Guiseppe. "I'm trying to turn on the opera station on the radio, but my roommate keeps putting it on the alternative rock station. After the nurse turned it off, I tried singing some of those anthems of the isolated and disenfranchised like it was opera. It stuck."

"It's a nice story." said Salvatore.

"You should hear him do 'Linger'." said Tony.

"You know what band I always thought leant itself well to opera?" asked Marcie. "Radiohead."

* * *

Rob, Bison, and Patrick found Dexter and Kurt.

"Holy crap!" said Kurt. "It's Rob Falcon!"

"Where?" asked Rob.

"You are?" asked Bison.

"Dexter Cole. I raced against Jill and the others in Hawaii last year."

"Oh yeah, those guys." said Rob.

"So, what are two of the world's top skateboarders doing here?" asked Dexter.

"Racing." said Patrick. "Just like everybody else."

"What?" asked Dexter. "You're gonna skateboard across the country?"

"We got a Jeep for that." said Rob.

* * *

"So, what do you think so far?" asked Danny.

"Quite a scene." said Baker. "Still, I think I should take a look into some of these guys. We might have a few outstanding warrants here."

"I seriously doubt these guys have anything in their rap sheets worse than reckless driving." said Danny as Brad started to talk to someone behind them.

"I see that Dexter took the bait." said Baker.

"Yeah, that was nice of him." said Danny. "Look, I'm going to go take a piss."

"Okay." said Baker.

Danny walked towards the restroom. Jimmy saw him and followed.

Danny walked past Guiseppe who was singing operatically. "For a minute there...I lost myself. I lost myself." he sang.

* * *

"I was scouting out by the pool and I noticed the bottom was rounded out." said Patrick.

"Yeah, we could use it for a demonstration if we can get the hotel to drain it." said Rob.

"Um." said Dexter. "YOU could use it for a demonstration if you can get the hotel to drain it. I don't board."

"You sure?" asked Bison. "Seems like something right up your alley."

"Nah." said Dexter. "I just don't have the dexterity for that. Believe me, I've tried."

"You'll try again." said Patrick.

"We'll get you on a board by the start of the race." said Rob.

"Don't listen to this man." said a blonde woman with a Swedish accent. "Last year, he said he'd kick our tails between Paris and Vienna. He failed miserably."

Rob turned to the woman, Marie Lindstrom, and said "What, you're still rubbing it in, Marie?"

"Chill." said a muscular, blonde man, Marie's brother Per. "We're just joking around with you."

"So this is why Robin and Andy missed you." said Patrick.

"Yes, we've been in the United States preparing for this race." said Marie.

"So, what are you running?" asked Bison.

"Saab 9-7X." said Per. "It's only a Saab in name. Actually a heavily reworked Chevrolet Trailblazer."

"Oh yeah, I saw that." said Rob.

"Well, I'll see you later." said Marie. "I think I just spotted Tony and Salvatore."

She and Per walked away.

"Hey, has anyone seen Kurt?" asked Dexter.

* * *

In the bathroom, Danny washed his hands after using the toilet. Just then, the door opened and Jimmy walked through.

"Hello there." he said.

"Let me guess." said Danny. "Last year in Hawaii, white Z-car."

"Ear for voices, huh?" asked Jimmy.

"Some stick out." said Danny. "Especially the ones I have to fight."

"You trashed a perfectly good car." said Jimmy. "And I take special offense since I was in it at the time."

"Okay, listen." said Danny. He looked up at Jimmy's face, then looked at a toilet. He climbed up onto the toilet and said "I have friends out there. You were attacking them. I was defending them."

"And now it's coming back to haunt you." said Jimmy.

"So, what are you going to do?" asked Danny. "Rough me up, slam me into every hard surface in this bathroom, cut off my fingers and force feed them to me?"

"No, I'm not that crazy." said Jimmy. "I am going to race you. Sometime during the race, I'm going to track you down and race you. You won't know where or when, but it will happen. And you know what? I'll probably win."

"Good to know." said Danny.

* * *

Kurt sat with Terry and the muscle car crowd.

"We've got this one guy, Jacob." said Kurt. "He's our muscle car guy. He's always looking for a cool ride."

"Isn't he the guy who had the Kenny Brown Mustang last year?" asked Terry.

"Yeah, that's him." said Kurt. "Anyway, he recently picked up an eighty-seven Mustang five-point-oh."

"Has he made any Vanilla Ice references?" asked Tommy.

"Thank God, no." said Kurt. "I've been helping him tune it up a bit."

"Hey, maybe you can help me out with my Bonnie." said Richie.

"Your what?" asked Kurt.

"Bonneville." said Mel, Tim, and Ryan together.

"Yeah, I guess I can help." said Kurt.

"May I have your attention please?" asked Suad. "While I was in the garage, I noticed some classic hardware. I did some checking and I found that was the domain of this group right here." He pointed to Terry's group. "I've got a song I'd like to sing to you." He strummed his guitar and said "One, two, three, four." He then started to play the music from the Violent Femmes' "American Music" and sing.

**Do you like American muscle?**  
**I like American muscle.**  
**Don't you like American muscle,**  
**baby?**

**I want a four-four-two.**  
**I want a GTO.**  
**I want a Barracuda,**  
**baby.**

**Do you do the quarter mile,**  
**in less than ten seconds?**  
**Don't you like acceleration,**  
**baby?**

**I was born to run.**  
**I was born to go.**  
**But everytime I look at that Camaro,**  
**it makes me just want,**  
**want to go for a drive.**  
**Ooh ooh ooh.**

**I need a Boss Mustang.**  
**Try to keep up if you can.**  
**Nobody can catch this Mustang,**  
**baby.**

**Some don't like American muscle.**  
**They don't drive American muscle.**  
**I think that those guys are,**  
**losers.**

**You can drive real fast.**  
**You can drive real far.**  
**But everytime I look at that old Cougar,**  
**it makes me want to,**  
**want to drive it.**  
**Ooh ooh ooh.**

**Do you like American muscle?**

Terry and the crew sang "We like American muscle."

**I like American muscle,**  
**baby.**

**There's also Australian muscle.**  
**Coming soon, Japanese muscle.**  
**But I like American muscle best.**

**I was born to race.**  
**I was born to win.**  
**But everytime I look at that Javelin,**  
**it makes me want to,**  
**want to drive it.**

Suad stopped playing to the applause of the crowd. "Thank you." he said.

Brad walked out of the crowd and whispered "Crisis averted."

* * *

The next morning, Vinnie and Josephine woke up at a campground in Pennsylvania.

"Three hundred miles." said Vinnie. "Not a good first day."

"I guess we'd better get going then." said Josephine.

"Right." said Vinnie. He started the RV and headed for the exit.

* * *

In New York, Pete and Monkey winched the engine out of the BMW.

Just then, the garage door started to open and a Pontiac G5 with a body kit and candy blue paint could be seen on the other side. A black man with a mustache climbed out.

"Whoa, I thought you were kidding." said the man, Steve Carter, another member of the team. "You guys really are working on a BMW."

"But you got the body kit anyway, right?" asked Pete.

"Always do." said Steve. He went to the back of the G5 and opened the trunk.

"Did you get the other stuff?" asked Monkey.

"Jessie's bringing that." said Steve.

At that point, a yellow Honda Accord coupe with a body kit and a mural of the Australian Outback pulled up to the garage. A redheaded woman climbed out of the driver's seat.

"Hey, Jessie." said Pete. "You got what we requested?"

"Got it in the trunk." said the woman, Jessie Munroe, another member of the team and an Australian immigrant. "What are you planning to do with it?"

"Teach some rich guy a lesson." said Monkey.

* * *

The next day, Vinnie and Josephine made their way through Barberton, Ohio. Josephine looked out at Lake Anna and took a picture.

* * *

Meanwhile, Pete and Monkey attached a set of brakes to the wheels of the BMW. Steve and Jessie slipped a flywheel into the gearbox.

* * *

The following day, Vinnie and Josephine sat at a table at an outdoor restaurant in St. Louis. They talked with a pair of dark-haired twin brothers, one of whom was wearing glasses.

* * *

Pete dressed himself in a full-body protective suit while wearing goggles. He pulled a face mask over his mouth, then raised his hand in a choking gesture.

Monkey, who was wearing a similar protective suit, raised his hand in the "loser" gesture. He then donned a pair of goggles and face mask himself.

The BMW sat on blocks while the windows, lights, and engine bay were covered by cloth. A body kit was laid out in front of it on a tarp. Pete and Monkey picked up a pair of paint sprayers and approched the car.

* * *

The next day, Josephine drove through the Rocky Mountains while Vinnie held a cloth against his bloody nose.

* * *

Pete used a screwdriver to pop a Kumho tire onto a Hartge Classic 2 rim. Meanwhile, Monkey laid on the driver's seat with his feet sticking through the sunroof while he installed new pedals.

* * *

The next day, the RV drove past the famous "Welcome to Las Vegas" sign.

* * *

Monkey squatted on the BMW's fender while he and Pete guided the engine back into the engine bay.

* * *

The next day, the RV finally drove onto the Santa Monica Pier.

"Well, it took us all week, but we're finally here." said Vinnie.

"I'll call Tony and tell him the details." said Josephine.

"Afterwards, you want to camp here until the race is finished?" asked Vinnie.

"God, no." said Josephine. "Let's go home."

* * *

Meanwhile, Pete looked over the BMW while Monkey worked on the laptop.

"She looks beautiful." said Pete.

"Yeah, now let's show the Drake." said Monkey.

The Drake came up on the laptop's screen. "Well, good morning." he said. "Do you have any idea how early it is?"

"It's about nine o'clock here." said Pete. "The race starts in three hours."

"But we're not going to risk getting our wives disqualified over some stupid comments." said Monkey. "Your boys will get their car back. The car will run like it should. However, it will look like this."

He and Pete stepped away from the webcam so that the Drake could have a clear view of the car.

"I like it." he said.

Pete and Monkey looked at each other confused, then back at the Drake.

* * *

At the hotel, the Cannonballers were making their final preparations for the race.

The Mexicans looked over their road atlas laid out on the decklid of the Mastretta.

The two men with the F-650 had the hood off and were working on the massive diesel engine.

A well-to-do couple posed with their car, a grayish-blue Bentley Brooklands.

Kurt and Richie looked under the hood of a black '66 Pontiac Bonneville. "Wow, who did this?" asked Kurt.

"I did a lot of the work myself." said Richie. "Squeezed in a lot of stuff, mostly from Holley."

"What?" asked Terry, annoyed.

Kurt and Richie looked at him confused.

"With Terry, it's Edelbrock or nothing." said Mel.

Kurt laughed. Rob, Bison, and Patrick walked past them. Then, Dexter walked over while holding his elbow.

"Hey, Kurt." said Dexter. "Let's take a whack at that S2K."

"Coming." said Kurt.

They walked back to the Honda.

"What did you do to your elbow?" asked Kurt.

"They got me on a board." said Dexter.

* * *

Danny and Baker sat in the Alfa Romeo and checked their equipment.

"Who's that picture?" asked Baker as Danny tucked a photograph into the sunvisor.

"Bruce McLaren." said Danny. "He's possibly the best race car driver ever to come from New Zealand. He brought us some national pride before a wreck ended him."

"You look up to him a lot, don't you?" asked Baker.

"Pretty much." said Danny. "I also keep a picture of him on my desk at the club."

"Is that the same reason Melanie keeps a picture of Pauline Parker on her desk?" said Baker. "I was poking around before we met."

"That's not Parker." said Danny. "That's Melanie as a teenager."

"Oh, sorry about that." said Baker.

Jimmy walked up behind him, leaned in close, and whispered "Sometime, somewhere."

"Hello, Jimmy." said Baker.

"Baker, hold this guy's head while I close the roof on his neck." said Danny.

* * *

"Man, that is a thing of beauty." said Tony as he looked at the engine in Salvatore's Miura.

"Grazi." said Guiseppe as he pointed his socket wrench at the valve covers.

"I got a Ford Taunus back home." said Caesar. "Maybe you should come by and we can look it over."

"How did you get a Taurus?" asked Tony. "I thought they weren't sold in England."

"Not Taurus, Taunus." said Caesar. "It's at my place waiting for a new engine."

"Well, what the hell is a Taunus then?" asked Tony.

"It's a car made by Ford in the sixties and seventies." said Caesar. "It's similar in execution to the Fairlane of the time, but with European engineering."

"Okay." said Tony. "Guiseppe, you should definitely help him with his Taurus."

"Taunus!" snapped Caesar. "You see what I have to put up with?"

* * *

Ron and Venom entered the garage. Just then, Venom's cell phone went off.

He picked it up and answered. "Hello?"

"Venom, it's your boss." said the Drake on the other end. "Are you guys fully rested for the race?"

"All set." said Venom as he put the phone on speaker.

"Good." said the Drake. "I'm sure you've heard that Brad has picked a new driver to sponsor now that Blake has backed out."

"Who is it?" asked Ron.

"He didn't say." said the Drake. "I want you two to be on your toes. Your primary rival could try anything."

"Not to me, he won't." sneered Venom.

"Anyway, good luck." said the Drake. "Pete and Monkey should be here with the car soon. It looks great. Bye."

"Bye." said Ron as Venom hung up.

"What did he mean it looks great?" asked Venom.

"Good question." said Ron. "Even the Drake doesn't like BMW's that much."

They heard a dull roar and turned to the entrance ramp. They saw the 135i roll down the ramp. The car now sported Hartge Classic 2 rims, a Hartge body kit with spoiler, and candy red paint. Stripes fading from white to black ran along the sides.

"The hell?" asked Venom.

The BMW parked and Monkey and Pete climbed out.

"What did you do to the car?" asked Ron.

"We got your voice mail." said Pete.

"So, we decided to get a little revenge." said Monkey.

"You have my cell phone?" asked Ron.

"Oh sure." said Pete. "Here it is." He reached into the car, took out the phone, and handed it to Ron.

"As we were saying," said Monkey "we did up your car like we would one of ours."

"You pimped our ride?" asked Venom as he looked into the interior. The steering wheel, pedals, and shift knob were now Hartge parts and the seats were black and white Cobra Sidewinders.

"Things went a little weird." said Pete. "Turns out your boss likes it."

"He said it looks good." said Ron.

"And you?" asked Monkey.

"Not bad." said Ron. Venom just flashed a thumbs-up.

"Okay." said Pete. "We'll just find our wives, get our car, and go."

They walked over to the Altima to find that Jill and Marcie were watching them.

"Your idea of revenge was doing up their car?" asked Jill.

"Well, judging from their comments," said Monkey "that would have been a bad thing for them."

"I have to agree with Ron." said Marcie. "The car does look pretty good."

"Aside from the cosmetic mods," asked Jill "what did you do to it?"

"The cosmetic stuff is all Hartge." said Pete. "Under the hood, we installed Dinan performance software, a Dinan intercooler, a Dinan oil cooler."

Marcie started to look annoyed.

"We also added a Dinan flywheel to the tranny." said Monkey. "Suspension's been beefed up as well with a strut tower brace and suspension set from Dinan. Also, we put on Dinan brakes."

Jill lowered her face into the palms of her hands.

"Honey?" asked Pete. "Honey, what's wrong?"

"You idiots!" yelled Jill.

"That's our competition you just improved!" yelled Marcie. "Oh, I really hope the baby gets my intelligence."

* * *

J.J. sat on the hood of the Camaro.

"Nervous?" asked Pamela.

"More than usual." said J.J. "Not surprising."

"Yeah, I know." said Pamela. "What happens if you fail?"

"He didn't say." said J.J. "I think I'll try not to find out. At least I've got the woman I love with me."

"Yeah, that's right." said Pamela. "Speaking of which, what happened to Lisa?"

"I have no idea." said J.J. "She had a conversation with Victor last month and he hasn't mentioned her since."

"You don't suppose..." said Pamela.

"If they did, he's hiding it pretty well." said J.J.

"Hey, guys!" yelled Victor as he ran over. "Something's going on over there."

They looked over at the F-650 and saw the two drivers helping Suad into the bed.

"What are they doing?" asked Pamela.

"I dunno, but it's almost race time." said J.J.

"Ladies and gentlemen," announced Suad "one last performance before you leave."

AN:To anyone else considering writing a "Cannonball Run" (or "Gumball Rally") fic, I highly recommend doing to a car what Pete and Monkey did to the BMW. In fact, I encourage it.

Anyway, please review.


End file.
